My try at the females, I seek a forum for advice
Day 1
Okay so i'm staying at my grandparents house for the week while my parents are on a cruise
I'm in their back yard oon this chair thing just typing on my laptop, and in the backyard directly across from theirs these two females, which are, in my opinion, quite attractive.
they look about my age and they are just playing catch, they have been back there doing random shi for the past 2 hours and i've been watching them the entire t ime. ocassionally when they turn around i'll take a look with my binoculors. about 8 minuteas and 13 seconds ago i was looking at the female with my binoculars and she saw me and she whispered something to her friend and they went out side. now they are back out doing more random games.
now i am 16 years old and i have never had a girlfriend or, really, any girl experiece and i was wondering how i should handle this situation. i have a fear if i watch any longer they might think im creepy but i just want to try and make direct eye contact which results in me staring for 10 minutes straight at 5 minute intervals.
Day 2
So yesterday afternoon i glance out my window after dinner and i see they are outside just sitting down and talking or something. fear and excitement sets into my stomach as i decide that i have to do something or else the GameBattles.comers will think i have no balls and i will never get a girlfriend. I take my boombox and throw in a metallica cd. i turn on my grandparents lawn mower and quickly push it into the back yard.
I go straight down the middle of their yard, right twords the females. about half way there i turn on my boombox and the song "enter sandman" turns on i let that blast. i whip out black shades and put them on slowly, which now that i think of, wasn't slow enough. but i was going for a slow motion type thing.
i basically mow my lawn up and down by there fence staring at them each time i go by. they went in prabably 5 minutes later. as they are walking inside i get pisses and turn off my stereo, take off my sun glasses in regular motion and just leave. fucking bullshit they didnt even talk to me.
later that evening they were outside so i go and stand in the middle of my yard. i put on my sun glasses in slow motion then take them off in slow motion about 30 seconds later. i kept repeating that. as i do this i stare at them. ocassionally they stare back. after about 45 minutes of me putting my shades on in slow motion they finally get a decent look at me and stare for about a minute and then run inside.
its fucking gay I haven't seen them out there since and im thinking of going to this clothes store and buying a very expensive black leather jacket that i can wear to impress the shit out of them. i'm going to buy it after i type this post. i saw it the other day and it looked awsome, like the one fonzie would wear.
Day 3
So today i put on my leather jacket and slick back my hair. my heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest. I calm my self down by practice kissing my fist for about 15 minutes (come on we've all done it)
I step out my grandparents back door. i see them sitting down petting their dog. I walk about 6 steps and run back in. I do this again 3 more times. each time taking less steps. I remember a post about getting intoxicated of alcohol to talk to woman. my grandparents are not home.
"get it together Gabriel you don't HAVE to do this" I say to myself, itching the idea of getting intoxicated out of my mind. I must do it. I must get fucking wasted. I gallop towards my computer and immediately look up on how to get drunk. 4 shots from a shot glass should put you in a happy place it says. I take 10 minutes to breathe and think about it, and I decide I have to. I get my grandfathers shot glass.
I set it on the table and retrieve a bottle of mikes hard lemonade. I look at it in fear. If I can do this, I can do anything . I poor the mikes hard into a shot glass. Bring the shot glass to my lips and drink about half of it. My mouth feels as if it was on fire. And I scream. Mother of god this is some ‘strong shit’. I go to the think and gag a bit trying to hold this burning liquid in my stomach. I stumble to the sink and dump out the bottle of mikes and the shot glass.
“holy shit Gabriel, so this is what it’s like to be drunk.” I say out loud to myself. I walk about 3 feet and fall to the ground. It’s so hard to walk. I feel so courage’s I walk about 12 feet before running back inside. I go out there once moer, all the way and lean on their fence, and put up the collar on my leather jacket and stare at them dead at their feet for about 7 minutes. What appears to be a father, comes out side and says to the girls “go over there and see what the hell he wants”
They walk towards me and my heart goes off again and I start to sweat. The blonde with larger than average breasts asks me what I am doing. I turn around to run and get about 3 feet before I stop and turn around.
I say out loud “come on Gabriel don’t let game boards down, and most importantly, yourself.”
“who the hell is Gabriel” she asks. My face turns red and I decide it’s best to just crawl into the fetal position and just wait for them to leave. Then I remember I’m drunk as hell. Stumbling a bit I say “hi female I was just sitting on the fence looking at you” they give me an odd look then say “Hey it’s that kid who was looking at us with the binoculars!”
Holy fucking shit they actually saw that?!
“no I was bird and I have roses you for I got them in the air please no” I say as I want to do nothing more than cry. “Haha what? that doesn’t even make sense, do you want to hang with us? you look pretty bored out here maybe we could play with those binoculars of yours! Haha”
Mother of god they just asked me out. What now Gabriel? Take charge of this situation you grizzly man.
“I loving you um err I AM DRUNK GRIZZLEY MAN MARRY ME” I say that and they laugh and tell me to come with them “ABORT ABORT I am sorry please no” I run at full speed towards my grandparents house, slam the door and lock it and go into my room and cry. I almost had them then I fucked it up by telling them I love them. Oh god. Please no.
anyway i can atleast make up for that disaster? i kinda feel like a pimp to be honest. they actually asked me out. does that mean they want me to kiss them? if i 'hang out' with them should i bring a condom?
To be continuted?
posted by Josh @ 1:47 PM
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