The Female StoryMy try at the females, I seek a forum for adviceDay 1Okay so i'm staying at my grandparents house for the week while my parents are on a cruise
I'm in their back yard oon this chair thing just typing on my laptop, and in the backyard directly across from theirs these two females, which are, in my opinion, quite attractive.
they look about my age and they are just playing catch, they have been back there doing random shi for the past 2 hours and i've been watching them the entire t ime. ocassionally when they turn around i'll take a look with my binoculors. about 8 minuteas and 13 seconds ago i was looking at the female with my binoculars and she saw me and she whispered something to her friend and they went out side. now they are back out doing more random games.
now i am 16 years old and i have never had a girlfriend or, really, any girl experiece and i was wondering how i should handle this situation. i have a fear if i watch any longer they might think im creepy but i just want to try and make direct eye contact which results in me staring for 10 minutes straight at 5 minute intervals.
Day 2So yesterday afternoon i glance out my window after dinner and i see they are outside just sitting down and talking or something. fear and excitement sets into my stomach as i decide that i have to do something or else the GameBattles.comers will think i have no balls and i will never get a girlfriend. I take my boombox and throw in a metallica cd. i turn on my grandparents lawn mower and quickly push it into the back yard.
I go straight down the middle of their yard, right twords the females. about half way there i turn on my boombox and the song "enter sandman" turns on i let that blast. i whip out black shades and put them on slowly, which now that i think of, wasn't slow enough. but i was going for a slow motion type thing.
i basically mow my lawn up and down by there fence staring at them each time i go by. they went in prabably 5 minutes later. as they are walking inside i get pisses and turn off my stereo, take off my sun glasses in regular motion and just leave. fucking bullshit they didnt even talk to me.
later that evening they were outside so i go and stand in the middle of my yard. i put on my sun glasses in slow motion then take them off in slow motion about 30 seconds later. i kept repeating that. as i do this i stare at them. ocassionally they stare back. after about 45 minutes of me putting my shades on in slow motion they finally get a decent look at me and stare for about a minute and then run inside.
its fucking gay I haven't seen them out there since and im thinking of going to this clothes store and buying a very expensive black leather jacket that i can wear to impress the shit out of them. i'm going to buy it after i type this post. i saw it the other day and it looked awsome, like the one fonzie would wear.
Day 3So today i put on my leather jacket and slick back my hair. my heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest. I calm my self down by practice kissing my fist for about 15 minutes (come on we've all done it)
I step out my grandparents back door. i see them sitting down petting their dog. I walk about 6 steps and run back in. I do this again 3 more times. each time taking less steps. I remember a post about getting intoxicated of alcohol to talk to woman. my grandparents are not home.
"get it together Gabriel you don't HAVE to do this" I say to myself, itching the idea of getting intoxicated out of my mind. I must do it. I must get fucking wasted. I gallop towards my computer and immediately look up on how to get drunk. 4 shots from a shot glass should put you in a happy place it says. I take 10 minutes to breathe and think about it, and I decide I have to. I get my grandfathers shot glass.
I set it on the table and retrieve a bottle of mikes hard lemonade. I look at it in fear. If I can do this, I can do anything . I poor the mikes hard into a shot glass. Bring the shot glass to my lips and drink about half of it. My mouth feels as if it was on fire. And I scream. Mother of god this is some ‘strong shit’. I go to the think and gag a bit trying to hold this burning liquid in my stomach. I stumble to the sink and dump out the bottle of mikes and the shot glass.
“holy shit Gabriel, so this is what it’s like to be drunk.” I say out loud to myself. I walk about 3 feet and fall to the ground. It’s so hard to walk. I feel so courage’s I walk about 12 feet before running back inside. I go out there once moer, all the way and lean on their fence, and put up the collar on my leather jacket and stare at them dead at their feet for about 7 minutes. What appears to be a father, comes out side and says to the girls “go over there and see what the hell he wants”
They walk towards me and my heart goes off again and I start to sweat. The blonde with larger than average breasts asks me what I am doing. I turn around to run and get about 3 feet before I stop and turn around.
I say out loud “come on Gabriel don’t let game boards down, and most importantly, yourself.”
“who the hell is Gabriel” she asks. My face turns red and I decide it’s best to just crawl into the fetal position and just wait for them to leave. Then I remember I’m drunk as hell. Stumbling a bit I say “hi female I was just sitting on the fence looking at you” they give me an odd look then say “Hey it’s that kid who was looking at us with the binoculars!”
Holy fucking shit they actually saw that?!
“no I was bird and I have roses you for I got them in the air please no” I say as I want to do nothing more than cry. “Haha what? that doesn’t even make sense, do you want to hang with us? you look pretty bored out here maybe we could play with those binoculars of yours! Haha”
Mother of god they just asked me out. What now Gabriel? Take charge of this situation you grizzly man.
“I loving you um err I AM DRUNK GRIZZLEY MAN MARRY ME” I say that and they laugh and tell me to come with them “ABORT ABORT I am sorry please no” I run at full speed towards my grandparents house, slam the door and lock it and go into my room and cry. I almost had them then I fucked it up by telling them I love them. Oh god. Please no.
anyway i can atleast make up for that disaster? i kinda feel like a pimp to be honest. they actually asked me out. does that mean they want me to kiss them? if i 'hang out' with them should i bring a condom?
To be continuted?
Fuck High-School Lunch
the story of a professional eater
4th period ends and like always I have to run and it feels like a fucking marathon because the lunchroom is on the first floor and i'm on the second and i have to go down like 10 fucking stairs and shit. So yeah anyway, the bell rings, I've already had all my books and papers in my bag 5 minutes before hand so i could get to lunch with ease. I immediently stand up and run out the door and down the hallway.
I pass about 8 doors and still no one is in front of me. "Doin good Gabriel, we've been training for this, just sprint the whole way and don't lose concentration" i say to myself while sweat pours down my face as I run at fullspeed flying down the hall way. Someone calmy walks out of the classroom to go to lunch about 10 yards ahead of me. "Oh no you don't you son of MOTHER FUCKING BITCH" fuck, he's already turning twords the hallway. I continue to run and get to the lunchroom about 1 minutes later in a pool of sweat.
I turn around the corner to be the first one in line and "FUCK" I loudly say as I see Mcnaulty already getting food slopped onto his tray. God i fucking hate him. he always beats me. I grab my tray and walk over to the food area. "Hey Lynn" I say to the old black lunch lady as she puts a hamburger on my tray. She snears back at me not whilling to make conversation. But she will always be with me when i eat, and in my heart.
I walk out and carfully choose a table where no one sits at so i dont get disturbed. I'm really the most popular kid in my school but i just dont sit by people because i have ADD.
I look at my tray and heres whats on it
A nasty greasy hamburgerhalf a corn on the coba little thing of chocolate milksome mixed fruit and a slice of cake.
"THIS IS MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT" i scream at the top of my lungs as i look at this food. "What the fuck is this shit!? I eat like MOTHER FUCKING 5 times this much, what the mother fuck is this bull mother shit FUCK!" As i say this the stupid Mcnaulty snickers at me at a the table next to me alone. He's already done eating his food. Good god, this guys pro. I qucikly scarf down my food and run at full speed to my locker which is down the hall. I arrive 10 minutes later, do my code and take out my brown paper sack which has my lunch in it from home.
Now this is a mother fucking meal
3 sandwiches a grapefrruit a coke and mountain dew12 oz of crisco8 oz of manayse12 chocolate chip cookiesmelted ice cream bar.
I run back to the cafateria at full speed. some fucking popular kids took my table. i begin to shake with fear and silently cry. then i look for a table. none are open, all of them are take by populars. So i walk to the corner sit down and begin to bite into my sandwich. as i do this i see mcnaulty already finishing his bag lunch, which was twice the size of mine! "FUCK YOU n00b MCNAULY FUCK YOU" I scream as about half the lunch room looks at me whispering about that 'weird gabriel kid' FUCK THEM. they dont understand food. I finish my lunch while crying and throw the bag away and the bell rings.
I go to the veding machine withabout 5 dollars in quarters and get assorted candies to snack on during class. and walk there, by myself silently crying.
I go through that shit EVERY MOTHER FUCKING SCHOOL DAY.
point of the story?
it tastes like fucking shit. they give me barley any food. i'm a heavy guy so i should get 3 times as much food for the same price. fucking shit. it costs $1.76 what the fuck. and the cafaterias are so fucking far. by the time i get there it feels like ive ran a 28 mile marathon.
and theres always mcnaulty. getting there before me, getting lynn to talk to him, and eating his food before me. what the mother fuck. he only weighs 150 pounds and he can eat 3 times as much as me. fuck him.
so if you ask me food should be made by good chefs and we it should be all you can eat and be free for kids who like to eat like me.
tell me if you agree or not
I will Fuck you up.what happens when people try to trick GabrielI had my speakers all the way up, no one in the house, it was midnight and all the lights were off in my house. I open up a forum thread about some steve irwin video.
I watched the with anticipation as my face was only but 2 inches from the screen. My mind was completely focused on the text that was being displayed. I read all of it and got ready for the clip. "Here we fucking go" I eagerly said to to my self. The screen went black and scary face popped up with a loud scream. I quickly dodged this because of my Free Masons training and shot my monitor 46 times with my pistol. As each bullet hit my screen I screamed "FUCK YOU"
I got into my ford f150. I started er up and started to drive. With one hand on my streering wheel and the other on my 12 gauge shotgun I occasionally shot at random civilians on the sidewalks. Before I knew it 14 police cars were being following blasting there sirens and shooting my ford. noone shoots my shit I thought to my self and put my truck on cruise control as I climbed onto the hood of my car shotgun in hand and shot all 14 police cars only using 3 bullets.
I climbed back in and went over a jump landing right infront of DougDougs apartment complex. I shot open the door and set everyone person on the first floor on fire. I got into the elivator and shot the floor 6 button. I got to floor six and went to dougdougs door. I kicked it open with my foot and said "everybody mother fucking freeze"
Doug was on his computer laughing as people fell for his prank and his mom made hotpockets in their microwave oven. I quickly took the hot pockets, got out a plate and set them on it and put it in the microwave so it wouldn't get dirty or anything. Then I took dougs mom by the head and tossed her into the oven. Before Doug could even flinch I backflipped over the table with my shotgun set straight for his head.
he begged for mercy and promised to get a mod to delete the thread but i told him that wasnt enough. i quickly pulled out my rope and tied him to a chair and danced around him while dumping gasoline on his body. he was so scared he was shivering and crying for his mother.
"Your mother fucking mom aint here, ***got" i said as i took a match and tossed it behind me as i walked out the door. i then walked home and began typing my story on my computer
thats what happens when you try to mother-fucking trick me
That's how I do my shitHow I single handedly defeated The French Rapistthis kid at my school, his name is alex taylor. we call him "The French Rapist" no one messes with his shit.
one day he got bumped by a kid. all hell broke lose. the fire alarms soon went off and all the teachers were running under desks, jumping over shit. crying.
i look over to "TFR" and i'll always remember his eyes. oh god. his eyes. the look in his eyes was wild. he had the kid by the neck and a broken wine bottle in the other. slowly tristing it into the poor childs spine.
as he laughed like a menace i put on my leather jacket and sun glasses. there were several riots all around. everyone was screaming and several large fires were in the background. blood littered the hallway floors and homemade bombs were being thrown in every direction as with fists of the rival gangs at my school. it was utter terror.
i said in a whisper "Everybody stop right-fucking-now" and every single person in my school looked at me in horror as i put the collor up on my leathet jacket and walked twords "TFR" as my leather boots clicked to the floor.
"You gonna mess with someone, mess with me" i said as i stared at the 7 foot giant known as "TFR". he set the kid he was stabbing down and said "You gotta problem?" i said "Yeah homeboy i do. and no body, i mean no body call me chicken" he steps away in fear as i jump around kicking madly into the air screaming at the top of my lungs my favorite chapter of "to kill a mocking bird". "i can taste you're fear Frenchy" As i said that the entire school broke it's silence and went "OOOOOOOOH" and i put my finger against the blood and licked it. "mmm tastes of CHAOS"
as i said this i whipped a chain saw out of my pocket and cut off TFR arms and i watched him suffer to the groundand cry while he bleed, slowly dieing. I said "this partys over" and set him on fire while walking out of the school in slow motion, as i did that badass music started to play and everyone looked at me with amazement and the girls talked about how much of a dreamboat i am.
God I kick ass.
You fuck with the Colonel; You're fuck with me.A message I sent to a British kid over MyspaceThis kid had a picture of colonel sanders on his myspace, and he lived in fucking England. I just had to lay the smack down on him. Here is the message I sent him.
Hi,
I came across this shit hole you call a myspace page.
I am a proud American. Always have. Always will be. yessur.
and WE are the inventititors of KFC. And let me tell you somethin you snake eyed son of a bitch. THIS OUR FUCKING SHIT. OUR SHIT. Not your shit. Its Kentucky fried chicken. Not unitited kingdom tea drinking, polo playing, soccer kicking, drive on the wrong side of the rode, fried chicken.
now let me tell you somethin. You mess with a nigga like me. I'm straight out of Compton. I'll beat the shit out of you and make you suck my friends dick. Snap your trigger finger in six different places. Now that's what a nigga like ME is gonna do to a faker like YOU.
now me and the fellow American black community take pride in your chicken, watermelon and koolaid. And when a nigga like you comes all up in here. claimin to be the god colonel sanders himself. LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU SOMETHING NIGGA. THAT NIGGA MR SANDERS DEAD. YEAH I FUCKING SAID THAT SHIT. DEAD. Like yo ASS is gonna be if you don't take that picture out.
-j bee
Jenny Jizz volume 3 [review]
Just saw it today. definitely worth the 8 dollars. I copped it from this nice Latino guy behind the liquor store because im too young to go to the porno shop.
first 10 minutes were the usual boring dialogue but the next 35 minutes were filled with jennies usual back summersault fuck and her nostril cum dish. bah boring. at least she finished with the upside down new York Mexican coffee cup. haven’t seen that infamous move in a while.
then some more dialogue and 2 guys walk in. this is getting interesting. does a frontlaced jizz jaugler. ooo finally breaking out some new tricks. the guy does a topsplash double cum dingdong all over her foot and the the chick tries to lick it off while the tall guy gives her a semen calling midget handler. (probably my favorite part) for about 15 minutes.
then they do a double crossed triple semenball with a reverse mistle toe flap jack to finish it off.
overall a good porno, with some very interesting things, at the end but some generic stuff in the beginning. I’m really getting tired of Jennie jizz's same old moves.
overall 7/10
Why I hate Mexicans
Jesus titty fucking Christ.
so this morning, I woke up, put on my new, slick brown leather cowboy boots and black cowboy hat. I walk out to the kitchen, munch down a few cheetos. and throw on my denim jacket. I hop into my green ford f150 and crack open the last beer from my six pack.
I drive around various fast food restaurants lookin me for some jobs. I get to the local burger king, put on my confederate flag bandana,, aviator sunglasses tighten my Johnny Rebel neck tie and go into my job interview.
" I want to be a cash register because I took me a fair good mount of math back in school, might as well put that son bitch to use."
that's exactly what I told the employment guy. and he gave me this weird look. I could smell the fear comin from his big ass neiger face. I tell that son bitch straight up before he could answer "don’t even need them security cameras with me around, any fuggin nigger comes in here ready to rob this sum bitch and ill tell you what Mr. Negro, he'll be shittin my fist for at least six months"
needless to say I didn't get the job because those fucking Mexicans came here illegally or legally, don’t matter me none, and stole my job.
